The Gaming Den

, rather than just vaguely creepily keep looking at someone you find attractive but can't bring yourself to approach...

How the hell do I do it? How do I walk up to some stranger and start up a conversation?

This is, sadly, a serious question.

It's how I do it. Or, hell, have something unusual you're carrying. Towel Day is coming up soon, I believe. Or get a pink ribbon and wear it to show your support for breast cancer victims and survivors. Do something to be outside of the norm, in a good way.

I've been stopped at work by people inquiring why I have a tennis ball on the end of a stick, what I'm using the baby oil for, or why do I have that mop slung over my shoulder, or my trench coat (which I found for ten dollars, in new condition, at a thrift store).

At college, people ask me about my 'sunglasses' (I have transitions. Evidently I look pretty cool with them darkened all the way). One time, I was getting Blazing Saddles back from someone, and it fell out of my bookbag. A dude waiting for the bus at the bus stop with me said he'd never heard of it and asked about it. So I spent about five minutes giving him a summary (he said he was going to go rent it when he got home), and then we spent the next fifteen shooting the shit.

After that, ask for a name. If the other person is asking questions about what you're doing and you in general, they're interested. Be sure to ask things back. People love to talk about themselves.

If you have any college T-shirts, they make a good conversation starter, too. My sister goes to college out-of-state and brought back a t-shirt. So when I wear it, I get a few people asking about it.

I made a new friend at work a couple of months ago solely by mentioning my daughter. She didn't realize I had a kid, and I knew she had a son of similar age. We started talking about our kids, and we've since talked about all sorts of other stuff.

Granted, the initial interaction started out as work-related, but I made an effort to bring something personal into it. So, you can take that as a lesson for interacting with people you already "know", but aren't friendly with.

How do I walk up to some stranger and start up a conversation?

Kinda like Mad Libs.
Start with

"How 'bout___"

and then pick one:

• this weather?
• them Stillerz?
• Last night's Idol?
• what our [pick a politician]'s is trying to do now?
• this wait for the bus?
• or a similar generic question

And then ask friendly followup questions about their answers. If they aren't a Stillerz fan, you then if they're from out of town, and if so where? What's it's like there / why'd you leave such a great place to come here where it rains all the time and our team loses?

This approach is decidedly not flirting, so it probably won't get you laid. But it isn't flirting, so it also won't get you registering as a creep. And if you practice this sort of approach with random strangers you meet at the bus stop or waiting in the grocery checkout line, you will learn to get over your hangups about talking to strangers and generally come off as a more friendly person.

Maxus' (is it Maxus's? Opinion seems to be sharply divided on that shit) advice is both useful and hilarious. So is everyone else's.

Another good way of meeting people is joining clubs involving things you're interested in. That way you're meeting people you have some common ground with.

Josh and Maxus gave some good conversation starters, but if you still feel uncomfortable talking to strangers (you generally shouldn't, unless they are driving a windowless van and offering you candy), try this on for size. Every day (or every week, if you want) try making small talk with n strangers, where n is some arbitrary number. I define "small talk" as you saying something to them and them acknowledging you in some way. Try to gradually increase this number over time. Eventually, you will start feeling more and more comfortable talking to strangers.

Something else you can try is the opposite of what Maxus was advocating. Specifically, he was advising you to make yourself as interesting-looking as possible in order to attract attention and get others to strike up a conversation with you. You can also try striking up a conversation with people who look interesting. Comment on their haircut, tattoo, irregular shirt or haberdashery, etc. Barring unusual circumstances, people who make odd fashion choices do so because they want other people to notice.

Something else that helped me when I was getting over my shyness would be this: ask others for their opinion. If you're in a bookstore, for example, and notice someone browsing a section containing the types of titles you're interested in, ask them for their opinion on a new read. Ask people to recommend movies. If you're shopping for clothes, ask them what they think of this or that outfit, etc.

Good luck with this. Also, how's the writing coming along?

Datawolf wrote:You can also try striking up a conversation with people who look interesting. Comment on their haircut, tattoo, irregular shirt or haberdashery, etc. Barring unusual circumstances, people who make odd fashion choices do so because they want other people to notice.

It doesn't even have to be that weird, really. I've had great conversations with people in the grocery store that started off as commentary on ketchup.

DW wrote:Something else that helped me when I was getting over my shyness would be this: ask others for their opinion. If you're in a bookstore, for example, and notice someone browsing a section containing the types of titles you're interested in, ask them for their opinion on a new read. Ask people to recommend movies. If you're shopping for clothes, ask them what they think of this or that outfit, etc.

I do this a lot.

If you're really super shy, though, start with a small goal... Every day for a week, make a point of making eye contact, smiling, and saying hi to at least five people. Add to it as you get more comfortable.

Datawolf wrote:Maxus' (is it Maxus's? Opinion seems to be sharply divided on that shit) advice is both useful and hilarious. So is everyone else's.

Another good way of meeting people is joining clubs involving things you're interested in. That way you're meeting people you have some common ground with.

To whit:

1) For tile floors with a wax coating, a tennis ball--that's right, an ordinary tennis ball--will get up scruff marks from shoes with a couple of quick rubs. You cut a slit in it, and put it on the end of a dowel or pole or whatever so you don't have to bend over.

2) Baby oil is good stuff to use on stainless steel. The elevators at work are stainless steel interiors. Pour a little oil on a rag or sponge, wipe on, then wipe off with a dry rag/sponge. Maintains the shine, gets dust off. It'd also work on refrigerators, dishwasher, anything else with a stainless steel surface, I believe.

3) The mop was because I was checking the landings in the stairwells for drink spills. The doors sometimes open quickly and catch people by surprise, but there's a good number of soda and coffee spills. So, I rode the elevator up to eighth floor with a mop over my shoulder and with my hand hooked over it and not holding it. Someone commented that I looked like I was in for the long haul holding it like that.

Seriously, wear a bright pink ribbon in your hair and people will fall over themselves to ask why. Or a kilt. I understand kilts are verra effective. Just do something to be apart from the crowd--unusual, but in a curiosity-provoking way. Not in a "I will sacrifice you to Yog-Sothoth at my credenza and then kill your family with an icepick." way

Maj wrote:

Datawolf wrote:You can also try striking up a conversation with people who look interesting. Comment on their haircut, tattoo, irregular shirt or haberdashery, etc. Barring unusual circumstances, people who make odd fashion choices do so because they want other people to notice.

It doesn't even have to be that weird, really. I've had great conversations with people in the grocery store that started off as commentary on ketchup.

Pretty much the same observations here. I met most of the people I know just by muttering something about whatever we were doing at the time. Even a few exchanged comments about how long the bus is taking can end up as a real conversation and a new person met.

Maj wrote:

DW wrote:Something else that helped me when I was getting over my shyness would be this: ask others for their opinion. If you're in a bookstore, for example, and notice someone browsing a section containing the types of titles you're interested in, ask them for their opinion on a new read. Ask people to recommend movies. If you're shopping for clothes, ask them what they think of this or that outfit, etc.

I do this a lot.

As do I. Not only do you make friends, but you get some really good recommendations now and then.

If you are in a place playing music, wait for a song you hate to come on and start lamenting it. One of two things will happen: They'll either agree and commiserate or they'll not agree (in which case you probably wouldn't have had a good time together anyway).

Neeeek wrote:If you are in a place playing music, wait for a song you hate to come on and start lamenting it. One of two things will happen: They'll either agree and commiserate or they'll not agree (in which case you probably wouldn't have had a good time together anyway).

If you disagree in a polite, non confrontational way (i.e., the complete opposite of the Gaming Den Way), you may actually be able to start a civilized debate on the merits of the song/genre/muscian/etc. Who knows, you and your "adversary" may even find common ground. Worst case scenario, you agree to disagree after a stimulating conversation.

Actually... the worst case scenario is they kill you, but what are the chances of that happening?

Hey, with my life... I feel like there are worse case scenarios...